Helping quiet children

How to help quiet children   

Some children are naturally quiet, others are really noisy! But sometimes, being quiet can be a sign that there is something else going on.   

A child in my setting is talking with family members at home but they’re not saying anything at nursery. Is this normal?  

There are lots of things that can affect a child’s confidence to talk in school or nursery.  

  • Is the child learning to speak English? If they are, then maybe they’re taking time to listen to conversations and are watching what’s happening around them – we know that lots of children do this. Have a look here for information on supporting children who speak more than one language.   
  • Has the child just started school or nursery? If so, it may take some time to help them settle and find their feet. They may need some time to build their confidence. Developing a strong relationship with a supportive adult can help with this. 

Some children have selective or situational mutism. This means they may be happy to talk at home, but feel anxious about talking in other places or with other people. This can affect their ability to make friends, join in play and games, and also to ask other people for what they want and need.    

What does it mean if a child has selective mutism? 

Children who get a diagnosis of selective mutism can be scared about interacting and talking to people in social situations. They can be so scared that they find it difficult to answer questions and they appear to ‘freeze’ or don’t respond. This is different from children who are reluctant, quiet or shy, as those children will usually join in with time and encouragement. Children who have selective mutism will need a structured programme to help them feel more comfortable talking to other people. 

Where can I get help?  

If you are worried that a child may have selective mutism, arrange to speak with the child’s family to find out more about how they communicate at home. It is helpful to make a plan together to support the child and discuss ways to help them. If the child needs more support, it may be helpful to make a referral. In some areas children are supported by the speech and language therapy service. In other areas they are referred to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) or an educational psychologist. This link has a guide about where to get help. 

We also have a free speech and language advice line, which is a confidential phone call with an experienced speech and language therapist. During the 30-minute call, you will be given the opportunity to talk through your concerns and questions regarding a child’s development. You can book your phone call here. 

What can I do to help?  

There are lots of things you can try:  

  • Try not to put pressure on the child to talk. Children often talk most when we take the pressure off. Be positive about any way they try to communicate, even if it’s just a glance, a gesture, or offering an object to another child. This way you can show them that you’re valuing what they’re saying, even if they’re not using words at this stage.   
  • Acknowledge with the child that you know that talking can be difficult for them, and that you understand, and that you just want them to be happy. 
  • Try to be positive about the child’s talking in front of them. Reassure them that their challenge with talking won’t last forever. 
  • Try to spend some 1:1 time playing with the child each day. Follow the child’s lead when you play together, and plan activities that they really enjoy doing. Children are more likely to open up and talk about something they really love and things that fascinate them. They will also have more to talk about.   
  • Encourage the child to make noises using musical instruments. This can get them used to the idea of making noise and being noisy.  

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